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"Juan" and "Jose" teach you to count to ten in Spanish.

The Dread Pirate Hayden

Hayden is my costume kid.

Every day, he puts one on. He wears them everywhere.

Even though I have spent countless hours making him lots of fun, nice looking costumes (of actual super heroes and animals)…and even though…people have purchased him very expensive and wonderful costumes, Hayden’s favorites are the ones he makes himself…or mixing and matching the nice Fire Man’s jacket with Indian pants.

Yep.

Strange.

Today he was a pirate. In case you did not know, pirates wear bandanas with Spider Man on them, eye patches (actually the belt to his ninja turtle costume), utility belts that double as sword holders, and they have drum stick swords. Today at Target, innocent shoppers were startled by Hayden saying, “Aarrgh” as he walked up next to them in the aisle. I think I said, “Sorry” about 15 times in that one trip.

He also greeted people with a friendly, “What’s up, Matey” and shouted, “Aaargh…buried treasure” as he pointed to merchandise in the store. Funny.

We are never quite sure what planet this child is living on at any given moment. He is so weird. He says the most bizarre things…and acts like we are the crazy ones for not understanding what he is talking about. On the way to Target, he was VERY FRUSTRATED with me because I did not know what black box things that you sing out of are called. He kept saying he had those things on his knees. He would say, “Mom, I’ve got those…you know those things that are black, and a box and a square and you sing out of um? Know dose things? I’ve got those on my knees.” I would say, “No, Hayden, sorry…I really don’t know what you are talking about.” He thinks if you don’t know exactly what he’s talking about, it means you don’t believe him. I kept assuring him that even though I did not know what he was talking about, he could still have those things on his knees if he wanted…this did not work or pacify him AT ALL.

I finally figured out, after a very lengthy interrogation that had both of us practically in tears, that he was talking about monitors (as in sound equipment). I thought he was going to jump out of the car he was so irritated with me.

See what I mean?

Why would I EVER think someone had monitors on their knees?

When you communicate with Hayden in his world, context clues are absolutely NO HELP. No help, what-so-ever.

Yesterday, when Aaron came home from work, Hayden of course was waiting for him at the door. This is what Hayden does. He waits for Aaron and then immediately attacks him with a million questions and random thoughts. For those of you who have come over to our house…this has probably happened to you! At one point, during this exhausting welcome, Aaron said, “How was your day, Hayden?” Hayden said, “Fine. I didn’t get in no trouble.” Then Aaron said, “How’s the new dog?” Hayden very matter-of-factly replied, “He’s not dead, dad.”

See…never a predicable moment or word from his mouth! Hayden keeps us all on our toes! Our house would be so boring with out this funny, fantastic kid!

That was weird when the dog come and run away from me. This dog has polka dots. He has a Japaleen and a diving board.

I think his name is UE.

He can eat his food and drink his water. He goes and gets the balls. Then, you give him the little bones. I want to talk about Ashton right quick. Ashton did poop. Then, he pooped on the floor! What about if the dog poops outside and he poops on ME? I want to keep him. I like him. He might poop on a fence.

A big yellow Spider

Once upon a time there was a little boy who went to a tree house. His name was Hayden. He had a spider onto a stick. He made a web. Then we let him go into the garden. Then he went away. The spider went up to a tree house. Then he rocked a band. He did this, "neer, neer, neer, neer, neer." He did a rockin' song like, "neer, neer, neer, neer, neer." And know what? They had a million (1,000,000,000) spiders watching. Then they runned away. They were called Rockin Band.

Popeye Movie Review

The movie was about Popeye. The octopus went a get the mom. Popeye was strong and he beated the other very big stronger guy. He beat him up. The octopus didn’t eat em. The dad punched the octopus over the mountain. My favorite part was the octopus. The octopus got that mom. There was a strong guy and Popeye and Popeye’s dad and the baby and the mom. The bad guy put the mom in that thing that looks like a horn.

My Favorite Part of the Circus

"My favorite part of the circus was that bomb thing and the fire."

Mom's Note: "Bomb thing" is the human cannonball. He loved that even though it scared him. The "fire" was during the tight rope act. It caught on fire and the crowd was holding their breath to see if the people made it safely across, even though they had to jump over the fire. Hayden did not move a muscle or take his eyes off the performers. Right when they were finished and everyone started clapping, Hayden immediately turned to all of us and said, "That would have been better if that guy had splode up." He was so disappointed. Hayden loved the circus. Today he has asked me about 20 times if we are going again today. So cute.

Cheaper by the Dozen 2 Movie Review

Last night the kids was going to have a race. That guy fell down on that thing on his body in the water. That red guy with the red shirt, he said, “oww.” The guy who called the girl fairy God mother, that’s my favorite. I like the girl ones. They had a race. And the number one team win. I want other people a watch it. I want Cwaire to watch it. And Charlie and Kirby. And Jessica. They will like the part when that girl in the bathroom was helping the make-up girl. That blue guy called Loraine a very God mother.

Firework Man

Once upon a time there was a firework man. He shoot out the sky. He splode. In the sky, firework man was making those things that have fire on them. They were all gone. Those things splode up to the sky. They were different kind of colors and people thinked about them. There were bad guys. The good guys punched them. There was an iguana. It eated somebody. Then he eat a whole tree up. Then he eated a guy up. Then he eated Cwaire up. Then he eated Cassidy. Then firework man saved them. He flew in that Iguanna’s mouth and he flew back out. He called a guy sane in the membrane and a goof ball and he put apple juice on his head. This guy was strong cause he had some of dees weights. He was being patient. He fell on the trash. And he was freaky. This guy wanted to go to the store. Then he pooped on himself. He pooped his pants. But he was just trying to toot. And that’s all.