The Dread Pirate Hayden

Hayden is my costume kid.

Every day, he puts one on. He wears them everywhere.

Even though I have spent countless hours making him lots of fun, nice looking costumes (of actual super heroes and animals)…and even though…people have purchased him very expensive and wonderful costumes, Hayden’s favorites are the ones he makes himself…or mixing and matching the nice Fire Man’s jacket with Indian pants.

Yep.

Strange.

Today he was a pirate. In case you did not know, pirates wear bandanas with Spider Man on them, eye patches (actually the belt to his ninja turtle costume), utility belts that double as sword holders, and they have drum stick swords. Today at Target, innocent shoppers were startled by Hayden saying, “Aarrgh” as he walked up next to them in the aisle. I think I said, “Sorry” about 15 times in that one trip.

He also greeted people with a friendly, “What’s up, Matey” and shouted, “Aaargh…buried treasure” as he pointed to merchandise in the store. Funny.

We are never quite sure what planet this child is living on at any given moment. He is so weird. He says the most bizarre things…and acts like we are the crazy ones for not understanding what he is talking about. On the way to Target, he was VERY FRUSTRATED with me because I did not know what black box things that you sing out of are called. He kept saying he had those things on his knees. He would say, “Mom, I’ve got those…you know those things that are black, and a box and a square and you sing out of um? Know dose things? I’ve got those on my knees.” I would say, “No, Hayden, sorry…I really don’t know what you are talking about.” He thinks if you don’t know exactly what he’s talking about, it means you don’t believe him. I kept assuring him that even though I did not know what he was talking about, he could still have those things on his knees if he wanted…this did not work or pacify him AT ALL.

I finally figured out, after a very lengthy interrogation that had both of us practically in tears, that he was talking about monitors (as in sound equipment). I thought he was going to jump out of the car he was so irritated with me.

See what I mean?

Why would I EVER think someone had monitors on their knees?

When you communicate with Hayden in his world, context clues are absolutely NO HELP. No help, what-so-ever.

Yesterday, when Aaron came home from work, Hayden of course was waiting for him at the door. This is what Hayden does. He waits for Aaron and then immediately attacks him with a million questions and random thoughts. For those of you who have come over to our house…this has probably happened to you! At one point, during this exhausting welcome, Aaron said, “How was your day, Hayden?” Hayden said, “Fine. I didn’t get in no trouble.” Then Aaron said, “How’s the new dog?” Hayden very matter-of-factly replied, “He’s not dead, dad.”

See…never a predicable moment or word from his mouth! Hayden keeps us all on our toes! Our house would be so boring with out this funny, fantastic kid!